Who loves most?

A: "Honey, today is our anniversary, so I bought you these flowers because it is my duty."
B: "Honey, today is our anniversary, so I bought you these flowers because I thought you'd like it."
C: "Honey, today is our anniversary, so I bought you these flowers because nothing brings ME more pleasure than making you happy."

(adapted from John Piper's Desiring God)

B is good, but C is better. Why?
In B, the beloved delights in the gift, for it is something she likes. But in C, the beloved delights in the gift, AND in the joy of the lover. Because he delighted in making her happy, the love feels that much more intense.

Have we idealised love so that it has become so fixated upon the other person so as not to be concerned about the self at all?

Augustine proposed that the Trinity is the relationship between the Lover, the Beloved and the Love that flows between them.

Love, when given away, returns as joy a hundred fold. Miserable love is not so much the kind that is not returned, but the kind that's not even received. Sappy Korean movies have this concept of miserable love, for example, "because I love you, I cannot be with you." This kind of love has the guise of sacrificial love, but is a miserable love lacking joy.

Love and joy go hand in hand.